"I don’t mind straight people, as long as they act gay in public.”
- T-shirt worn by Dennis Rodman during a network TV interview
1) Reveal your inner gay slowly and strategically. Your aim may be true, and your intentions pure, but loving your gays takes time and care.
2) Don’t be offended that, at first, all girls are essentially the same to them. You may be the “token ovaries” for a while.
3) Meet with your gays on their own terms and on their own turf. They’ve been going beyond their comfort zone to hang with the heteros since before you were born.
4) Always have a quick joke or a cutting comment, the naughtier the better.
5) Liberally throw around huglets, air kisses, double-cheeks, and pecks on the lips. Handshakes are awkward.
6) Don’t get involved in your gays’ relationships. Gay soap operas and straight ones have the same storylines, and they all end in nothing but drama. Provide aid and comfort, then get out of the way.
7) Don your gay apparel, and don’t be afraid to wear your homo-loving heart on your sleeve. Consider a PFLAG logo, a Scissor Sisters t-shirt, or an “Am I Gay Yet?” pin.
8) Be a “safe space” for your gays by having no sexual expectations. Non-sexual life partners are rare and highly valued in a world that typically has fewer than six degrees of ejaculation.
9) Be a wingman, not a cockblocker. Love your gays with unconditional validation, participation, and normalization.
10) Be absolutely loyal to your gays, no matter how hard it is to track their ever-shifting alliances.
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