Loving Your Gays: Are You an Addict?

Are you addicted to Loving Your Gays?

Are you gay even when no one is watching? If you’ve completely lost touch with all things straight (not that there’s anything wrong with that!), here’s 12 tried-and-true steps to recovery:

1) Admit that you are powerless over your addiction - that your glittery life has become unmanageable and your drag or leather closet too small.

2) Come to believe that a Power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. Loving Your Gays is equal parts nature and nurture.

3) Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of god as the gays understand god, i.e. Cher.

4) Take a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself and find that you are fierce. Admit to yourself and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs, i.e “I like shiny things.”

5) Be entirely ready to remove all your defects of character and to humbly ask Cher to cure your longing for designer labels.

6) Humbly ask Cher to remove your shortcomings and replace them with a healthy respect for gogo boys.

7) Make a list of all (straight) persons you have harmed by loving your gays excessively and exclusively, and become willing to make amends to them all.

8) Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them, others, or your ability to continue loving your gays without harm.

9) Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong, promptly admit it, “i.e. I’m a hot tranny mess!”

10) Seek, through prayer and meditation (on the dancefloor), to improve your conscious contact with Gay as we understand Gay, praying only for knowledge and the will to carry on with loving your gays in a healthy way.

11) Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, carry this message to others who love their gays, and practice these principles in all your gay affairs - everything in moderation (except for glitter).

Recovery from Loving Your Gays:

1. Easy does it: Do not overwhelm your gay with your love. No means No.
2. First things first: Learn to walk in heels before donning drag.
3. Live and let live: Thou shalt not cock block, nor be a bitchy queen for no reason.
4. One day at time: One circuit party, one Pride parade, one drag show, and one title contest at time.
5. Let go and let gay: Set your gays free. If they are yours, they will come back to you
6. KISS, aka “Keep it Simple, Stupid”: Don’t overdress, and always clean up your mess.
7. Live in the present: Loving your gays is a journey, not a destination.
8. To thine own self be true: Reveal your inner gay slowly, looking and learning before you leap.
9. Just for today: Be selective and measured when joining your gays, i.e. “I will not buy something shiny, just for today.”
10. Progress, not perfection: Continue to raise the bar, i.e. “Am I gay yet?”