Love My Gays

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Twink

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Refers to a young, cute and tasty boy with cream filling.

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Tranny

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Transgender/Transvestite/Transsexual are similar and related terms with important distinctions.

Whereas transgender refers to gender identity that doesn’t match a person’s assigned gender, transsexual people are transgendered people who wish to alter their bodies (such as through sex reassignment surgery or hormone therapy) in order to be accepted as a member of the sex opposite to one assigned to them at birth.

Transvestite is synonym for a cross-dresser.

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Sister of Perpetual Indulgence

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An order of queer nuns to community service, ministry and outreach to those on the edges, as well as to promoting human rights, respect for diversity and spiritual enlightenment.

The sisters believe that all people have a right to express their unique joy and beauty, and they use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry, complacency and guilt that chain the human spirit.
They vow to promulgate universal joy and expiate stigmatic guilt while serving their respective communities.

Although the San Francisco House, founded in 1979, is often referred to as the "Mother House," the Sisters have no central seat of power and no single ruling body. Houses now exist around the world, and each is an autonomous, unique group with its own Habits, culture and rules.

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Pig

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Refers to a healthy sexual appetite and a preference for sex that is anything but “vanilla.”

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Drag Queen

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Refers to a man dressing (or "dragging") in female clothes and make-up, taking on the persona of a larger-than-life woman to perform and entertain as a hostesses or mistresses of ceremonies, or to celebrate a holiday or special event.

Not to be confused with a cross-dresser. Also not to be confused with a transgendered person, though some drag performers happen to be transgendered (see “Gender Illusionist”).

Drag shows range from amateur performances at small bars to elaborately staged theatrical presentations. They range in style as well, from glamorous and kitschy to disturbing and gory.

Drag queens often serve as official or unofficial spokespersons for the community, leading outreach events, such as Pride celebrations and fundraisers. The 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City were inspired and led by drag queens, and drag queens maintain a strong tradition today.

The People in Your Gayborhood: The A Gay

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Could stand for Alpha Gays or A-List Gays.

Generally, the impossibly smart, successful, sexy, sophisticated gays typically found cruising and networking at fundraisers and all the finest parties.

Often overgroomed and overtanned, A Gays travel the world in luxury, perhaps collecting art and designer fashions. They love to drop names and host parties that cost more than the average gay's annual salary.

Also, “Guppie (Gay Yuppie).”

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Leather Daddy

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Leather culture is found in all lifestyles, but among gay men it refers to practices and styles of dress organized around hedonism and eroticism ("kink").

One way this culture consciously distinguishes itself from mainstream sexual cultures is through a specifically homoerotic aesthetic that draws from post-World War II biker culture as well as military and police uniform.

Leathermen art, such as Tom of Finland, represents the hypermasculine ideal. Literature like The Leatherman’s Handbook speaks to the culture and the code. The International Mister Leather organization speaks to the community.

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Circuit Boy

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Anyone who adopts the gay dance circuit as a lifestyle, traveling from one circuit event to the next and treating each as a holiday.

Easily identified by looking for the shirtless guy on the dancefloor with a perfect physique and dilated pupils.

(What is "The Circuit"?) Circuit parties are dance events with historical origins in the gay community’s response to the AIDS crisis. Originally conceived as fundraisers and a means to celebrate life amidst loss, today’s circuit is global and extensive, with highly produced parties that sometimes have a community outreach component and sometimes are commercialized ventures.

Circuit events are an expression of freedom as well as a statement of the power and strength of the gay community, but they are not without controversy, as they are often identified with a high degree of superficiality, promiscuity, and drug use.

Some of the larger circuit parties are the White Party in Palm Springs, the Black and Blue Party in Montreal, and the Winter Party in Miami, each of which attracts attendees in the thousands to tens of thousands.

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Bear

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The Bear belongs to a subculture and community of gay men of a specific physical type, generally more hairy and more heavyset, often projecting a working-class or hyper-masculine image through their grooming and personal style.

Debate abounds as to what constitutes a true bear, and many offshoots have emerged, including wolves (lean but masculine), cubs (young bears), and otters (hairy but lean).

The term bear can also be used in conjunction with many qualifiers that further subdivide the subcommunity, including Leather Bear, Muscle Bear, Daddy Bear, Panda Bear (Asian) and Polar Bear (white hair).

Also see “Goldilocks,” and “Woof.”

The People in Your Gayborhood: The Muscle Queen/Muscle Daddy

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Any gay who goes to the gym religiously, and will stop at nothing (sometimes including steroids or a similarly unhealthy regimen of supplements) to achieve an impossibly perfect physique. Also see "Juice Pig."

The People in Your Gayborhood: San Framily

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SAN FRAMILY: Variation/combination of “San Francisco” and “family”

Refers to the family one chooses for one’s self, a common phenomenon experienced by residents of San Francisco, the freedom capital of the world, where self-expression and hedonism rule the land. San Framily can also be referred to as one’s “urban tribe,” the group that forms one’s “entourage” for all manner of play, partying, and processing; and that one relies upon for support and validation of “alternative” lifestyles beyond the traditional family unit.

Signs & Symbols

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As gay culture evolves and become ever more mainstream, it’s easy to lose perspective. Modern gay culture is evolving so quickly and (natch) so dramatically, we sometimes overlook the homo history in the making.

While today there’s a broad (and fabulous!) gay lexicon of nonstandard terms and references, there was a time when signals and slang were steeped with symbolism, serving as the underground gay community’s lifeblood. Most communi-gay-tion was on the down-low by design, and it was non-verbal by necessity for gays forced to live in the closet. Learning to read the signs meant the difference between surviving and thriving in the heterosexual world back when homophobia was the cultural norm.

It’s important to remember that the time before Pride parades wasn’t that long ago, and that in many communities even today, taking comfort in the rainbow flag isn’t a given or something that we can take for granted. Whereas it now identifies and unifies a proud community, it used to signify safe haven.

Because of the gay community’s historical and ongoing struggle, signs and symbols are relative. In some communities they may be infused with deep meaning, whereas in others they may be nothing more than out-and-proud décor. Just as with straight culture, because there are so many community and cultural subsets within gay culture, you can expect as many regionalisms and colloquialisms as there are colors in the rainbow flag.

Awareness and appropriateness is the name of the game, so get familiar, but remember to be flexible, too. When it comes to loving your gays, it’s sign, sign, everywhere a sign, but never forget that it’s always open to interpretation.

Flags for all occasions

The Gays will fly a flag for any reason, and new ones are always emerging. The Gays like to design and sew things, and as far as crafty DIY projects go, thank goodness we’re not still making panels for the AIDS Quilt.

Rainbow Flag

The different colored stripes symbolize the diversity of the LGBT community.

Perhaps most common in gay pride parades, the rainbow flag has become a worldwide beacon of gay freedom.

Leather Flag

Some say the flag signifies “black and blue with love,” but the flag’s creator decline

s to assign symbolism to the colors and design, insisting that each person could do that for themselves. This flag represents the entire leather community, but is commonly identified with the gay leather and BDSM communities.

Bisexual Flag

The pink stripe at the top symbolizes same-sex attraction, and the blue stripe at the bottom symbolizes opposite-sex attraction. The purple stripe in the middle blends both.

Transgender Flag

The light blue stripes symbolize boys, the pink stripes symbolize girls, and the white stripes in the middle represent those who are transitioning, gender-free, intersexed, or neutral.

The pattern is such that no matter which way you fly it, it will always be correct.

Other transgender symbols include the butterfly (symbolizing transformation or metamorph

osis, and a pink/blue yin/yang symbol.

Bear Flag (International Bear Brotherhood)

The flag represents the International Bear Brotherhood, with colors symbolizing the various colors of male hair.

Pink Triangle

Originally a symbol from Nazi concentration camps used to identify and segregate gay prisoners, the pink triangle was reclaimed in the 70s as a symbol of the gay liberation movement. The pink flag became prominent when it was used by activist groups who turned it upside down to signify resistance during the AIDS crisis.

Bisexual Triangles

Like the Bisexual Flag, the triangles signify the blending of sexual desire for both men and women. They are also called “Biangles.”

Gender Symbols

Traditional male and female symbols are combined to modify and to signify different communities, such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered.

Transgender

Three symbols are combined in various ways, the first two being a combination of both classic male and female symbols, and the second the symbol of Mercury, representing a hermaphrodite or a person with both sexes.

Lambda

The Greek letter Lambda is used as a symbol for gay rights and is

said to signify both unity under oppression and energy in physics.

Purple Hand

A symbol of gay power rooted in San Francisco’s struggle for civil rights. A 1969 protest of the newspaper provoked some newspaper employees to pour ink from the building into the crowd. The crowd used the ink to stamp purple hand prints, slogans, and pro-gay graffiti throughout the city.

Top 10 Rules of Engagement for Loving Your Gays

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"I don’t mind straight people, as long as they act gay in public.”

- T-shirt worn by Dennis Rodman during a network TV interview

1) Reveal your inner gay slowly and strategically. Your aim may be true, and your intentions pure, but loving your gays takes time and care.

2) Don’t be offended that, at first, all girls are essentially the same to them. You may be the “token ovaries” for a while.

3) Meet with your gays on their own terms and on their own turf. They’ve been going beyond their comfort zone to hang with the heteros since before you were born.

4) Always have a quick joke or a cutting comment, the naughtier the better.

5) Liberally throw around huglets, air kisses, double-cheeks, and pecks on the lips. Handshakes are awkward.

6) Don’t get involved in your gays’ relationships. Gay soap operas and straight ones have the same storylines, and they all end in nothing but drama. Provide aid and comfort, then get out of the way.

7) Don your gay apparel, and don’t be afraid to wear your homo-loving heart on your sleeve. Consider a PFLAG logo, a Scissor Sisters t-shirt, or an “Am I Gay Yet?” pin.

8) Be a “safe space” for your gays by having no sexual expectations. Non-sexual life partners are rare and highly valued in a world that typically has fewer than six degrees of ejaculation.

9) Be a wingman, not a cockblocker. Love your gays with unconditional validation, participation, and normalization.

10) Be absolutely loyal to your gays, no matter how hard it is to track their ever-shifting alliances.

Top Gaycations

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Gay events have gone global, creating endless opportunity to get your gay on. “The circuit” is an accurate description for the thousands of parties that have cropped up around the rainbow of Pride events

When loving your gays means so little time, so little money, and so many parties, you really need to plan ahead. The list below is merely a sampling of the standards. Create your own itinerary and you can go on gaycation – any day of the year, anywhere in this world.

Atlanta, “Hotlanta”

Steamy southern charm, sultry weather, and hot guys.

Provincetown, “P-Town”

A gay enclave of summer fun and frolic on the very end of Cape Cod.

Fire Island (Cherry Grove and Fire Island Pines)

No cars allowed, so the muscle boys in their designer swimwear cart around red wagons to load in for holiday weekends. Between towns is a stretch of woods called “the meat rack,” so if taking a leisurely stroll, take care not to trip over a trick.

Miami and South Beach (Winter Party)

These two towns love and appreciate the gays – rich, famous, beautiful and outrageous gays who, in addition to great weather, beaches, and nightlife make these cities a gay destination.

Palm Springs – The White Party

Known as a gay retirement community, the Palm Desert is home to the world-famous White Party, with poolside parties and clothing-optional fun in the sun.

New York – The Black Party

A leather event/sex party of tremendous scale with historic roots dating back 30 years.

San Francisco Pride

Yes, we know…Pride parades everywhere now but you have to pay homage to the city known as “Sodom by the Bay” and home to the Gay Flag.

New Orleans – Halloween and Southern Decadence

No one does it like the Big Easy.

Sydney Australia – Mardi Gras

One of the largest gay pride parades events in the world. Very mixed and inclusive.

Montreal – Black and Blue

Ummm, lets see, they recognize gay marriage, it has a stunning old town and lots of gay owned businesses which means there are fab places to stay and great food to eat, and there are really cute Canadian boys everywhere. What’s not to like. Black and Blue Festival is one of the world’s largest circuit events and is very mixed with gay, straight, undeclared.

Brazil – Rio Carnival or NYE

As Suzan says “There are three types of men, Gay, Straight, and Brazilian”. On every fag and hag’s must do list.

Spain – Ibiza

The party island that does not sleep. Go to the large outdoor clubs and dance in the sultry air, or relax beachside. Either way eyefuls and oodles of eye candy.

The Netherlands - Amsterdam Pride

Amsterdam is such a fantastically beautiful, historic city. Add to that their permissive relaxed attitude about sex and boats for floats and you have an amazing pride vacation.

The Gay Cruise

Or if the gay travel tax proves to be too high to take multiple trips, go with a gaggle of your bff boys and soon to be bff’s on a gay cruise and see many amazing locations, while attending spectacular on board parties and mixers (all themed….plan on being over your weight limit for baggage), entertainment galor, and fantastic food served round the clock. No pre-labeled dining seating…no formal nights (maybe formal toga night) and NO screaming kids. Lots of muscle, speedos, and hunky manliness abound. Even the boat staff loves the boys. They tip, are respectful, know how to have a good time.

Warning – this is not for the tourist hag or converter. You are on a boat. A gay boat. You will be outed as a straight girl, a pariah if you don’t participate, it is full frontal get-your-gay-on 24/7 and ½. You will not get laid, unless you bring a vibrator.

Loving Your Gays: Are You an Addict?

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Are you addicted to Loving Your Gays?

Are you gay even when no one is watching? If you’ve completely lost touch with all things straight (not that there’s anything wrong with that!), here’s 12 tried-and-true steps to recovery:

1) Admit that you are powerless over your addiction - that your glittery life has become unmanageable and your drag or leather closet too small.

2) Come to believe that a Power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. Loving Your Gays is equal parts nature and nurture.

3) Make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of god as the gays understand god, i.e. Cher.

4) Take a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself and find that you are fierce. Admit to yourself and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs, i.e “I like shiny things.”

5) Be entirely ready to remove all your defects of character and to humbly ask Cher to cure your longing for designer labels.

6) Humbly ask Cher to remove your shortcomings and replace them with a healthy respect for gogo boys.

7) Make a list of all (straight) persons you have harmed by loving your gays excessively and exclusively, and become willing to make amends to them all.

8) Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them, others, or your ability to continue loving your gays without harm.

9) Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong, promptly admit it, “i.e. I’m a hot tranny mess!”

10) Seek, through prayer and meditation (on the dancefloor), to improve your conscious contact with Gay as we understand Gay, praying only for knowledge and the will to carry on with loving your gays in a healthy way.

11) Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, carry this message to others who love their gays, and practice these principles in all your gay affairs - everything in moderation (except for glitter).

Recovery from Loving Your Gays:

Easy does it: Do not overwhelm your gay with your love. No means No.
First things first: Learn to walk in heels before donning drag.
Live and let live: Thou shalt not cock block, nor be a bitchy queen for no reason.
One day at time: One circuit party, one Pride parade, one drag show, and one title contest at time.
Let go and let gay: Set your gays free. If they are yours, they will come back to you
KISS, aka “Keep it Simple, Stupid”: Don’t overdress, and always clean up your mess.
Live in the present: Loving your gays is a journey, not a destination.
To thine own self be true: Reveal your inner gay slowly, looking and learning before you leap.
Just for today: Be selective and measured when joining your gays, i.e. “I will not buy something shiny, just for today.”
Progress, not perfection: Continue to raise the bar, i.e. “Am I gay yet?”